Support a Loved One Who Is Battling With Cancer
Communication with a person diagnosed with cancer can be a real test for people who love them. We often don’t know what words to use when talking to someone with cancer.
We are afraid to say too much, offend or seem indifferent, and therefore we try to avoid communication.
However, the tactful support of relatives can significantly alleviate the emotional state of a person who has learned about an oncological diagnosis.
Here are a few tips to help you build gentle communication with a sick relative.
Become a Good Listener
Words are not always needed to support a loved one in a difficult situation. Sometimes it is enough to let a person speak his fears, anxieties, and bad thoughts out loud.
Become a person who is willing to listen. Try to give your full attention to what your loved one says.
It will be good if the conversation takes place in a calm, safe environment where a person can give vent to his feelings without regard to others.
Do not get distracted, do not scroll through your remarks in your head, and do not wait for a pause in your speech to instantly give advice or say the usual: Everything will be fine. Silence is okay.
Don’t feel like you have to fill it with words of encouragement and comfort.
You don’t need to take action right now. To be near, to hear, and to share the pain of a loved one is already a huge help.
It may be psychologically difficult for you to talk about such a difficult topic, but try not to change it while your interlocutor is ready to talk.
If your loved one is crying, do not try to cheer him up as soon as possible. Sadness is a natural response to bad news.
Convince the person that there is nothing shameful in his tears.
A friendly touch can help show your support, but if the person pulls away, give them more personal space. If your loved one doesn’t want to talk to you, don’t take it as a personal insult.
Perhaps he is not feeling well and is not yet ready to discuss his illness; try to respect his choices and wishes.
The best advice is less advice.
Surely, you are worried about your loved one and want to help make the process of his recovery as fast as possible.
You have probably already begun collecting information about the diagnosis, treatments, and prognosis, your loved one may not know about. Before discussing your findings, ask if he is willing to listen.
Do not pressure the patient or impose your vision of the situation on him.
No matter how valuable your information may seem to you, do not offer it in a declarative form.
Instead of saying I know a treatment you should try, say, I found some information for you, and maybe it will be of use to you.
Remember, the treatment decision is made by the patient himself; you need to respect their opinion, showing tact and leaving them the right to choose. Don’t advise unless asked for it.
The main disadvantage of advice on a medical topic is the high probability of its scientific groundlessness.
Search for information about cancer treatment should be done only by trusted sources and organizations that specialize in helping cancer patients.
If you are not an oncology specialist, double-check that your recommendation is harmless.
Cancer is hundreds of different diagnoses. What worked for your neighbor most likely won’t work for your loved one.
It should be remembered that the effectiveness of alternative methods of cancer treatment has not been proven, and late seeking professional help significantly reduces the patient’s chances of recovery.
However, there is no need to reject complementary medicines that will help improve the quality of life of your loved one. The main rule is that you need to coordinate the intake of additional funds with your doctor.
Offer specific help
After an emotionally exhausting conversation, there is a risk of saying goodbye to the usual: If you need help, contact me at any time. Most likely, you will never be contacted.
For example, “Next time you go to the tests, call me, and I’ll give you a ride,” or “On the weekend, the children and I will make dumplings. Do you want me to bring you a couple of dozen in case you don’t have time to cook?”.
A seriously ill person tries with all his might to maintain control over life and former autonomy.
The last thing he wants to do is become a burden to his loved ones. It is easier to accept concrete and easily implemented offers of help, and accordingly, they will bring more benefits than simple promises.
If your loved one still refuses the help, respect his decision, but make it clear that you are there in case he needs something. Take the initiative from time to time; perhaps your support will come in handy a little later.
Maintain Relationships
Treating cancer is usually a long and exhausting process. It is important to remember to keep in touch throughout the treatment and beyond.
Returning to society, realizing the limitations of one’s physical abilities, accepting everything that one had to go through, and rebuilding relationships with tired relatives and friends is not an easy task.
Moral support during remission helps the former patient overcome depression and quickly adapt to life after treatment. Leave your loved one enough personal space, but be attentive to their needs.
Try to keep your relationship as normal as possible.
The cancer diagnosis of your loved one should not be the only topic of conversation – discuss the events of your life, share the news, go for walks, or be in a cafe.
Be yourself – so you can show your loved one that, despite all the trials, your friendship remains unchanged.
