Terminal Illness
Diagnosis of a terminal illness brings with it an immediate reshuffling of your priorities, as well as a wealth of new challenges and concerns.
Practical tasks to help you deal with a terminal illness regarding the many issues that arise after learning your remaining time is limited.
1. Empower Yourself Through Knowledge
We fear most what we understand least, so empower yourself by learning everything you can about how your illness will affect you.
Ask your healthcare provider(s) what physical, mental, and/or emotional changes you should expect as your disease progresses.
Search online or at a local library or bookstore for information specific to your illness, particularly for accounts by/about those with the same diagnosis to discover how others have coped.
In addition, learn to recognize common end-of-life symptoms so you can treat them, if possible, and improve the quality of your remaining time.
Common Symptoms at the End of Life
2. Forgive Yourself in Advance
There is no correct way to deal with a terminal illness, and you will experience a tremendous range of emotions in the weeks or months ahead, from anger and resentment to fear and depression.
While such feelings are normal, how you will react to and manage them on any given day will be unique to you.
Some days will be better than others, so forgive yourself in advance for the times when you don’t handle something as well as you’d like to.
3. Set Your Priorities
You know yourself best, and only you can determine the things most important to you in the time you have left.
Depending upon the nature and extent of your illness, and after discussions with your healthcare provider(s) and loved ones, ask yourself if you wish to pursue all of the treatment options available to prolong your life.
Or would you rather focus on enhancing the quality of your remaining time and spending it with your family and friends? Somewhere in between?
Making an informed decision about how you wish to chart your remaining course can help alleviate feelings of helplessness and fear.
4. Plan for a “Good Death”
You decide to die on your terms and as comfortably as possible, but you should also choose where you wish to die.
While the nature and extent of your illness, treatment methods, and the priorities you set will influence your decision, there are many options available to you.
While many Americans would prefer to die at home, others might choose a hospital, nursing home, or hospice facility, which can offer a greater level of skilled treatment.
After contemplating which setting you most prefer, discuss it with your healthcare provider(s) and loved ones to make sure it is a viable option.
5. Talk Openly About It
With so much thought and attention focused on you and your illness, it might be easy to forget that your loved ones will also experience a wide range of emotions as they attempt to cope with the thought of losing you.
Your family and friends might also feel awkward or uncertain about what to say or how to act around you as they worry about uttering the wrong thing or reminding you about your illness.
In addition, fears concerning future financial support, childcare, or other practical matters will undoubtedly cross their minds at some point and likely trigger intense feelings of guilt for being “selfish” at a time like this.
Therefore, as much for them as for yourself, sit down with those who love you and discuss honestly and openly how you’re feeling, and allow them to express their thoughts and emotions, as well.
Let them know how important their support is to you and that, as much as you can, you will be there to support them too.
6. Establish a Practical Support Network
The previous task helped improve the emotional support that you and your family will require in the days and months ahead, but you should also focus on creating a “practical support network” as soon as possible.
Again, depending on the nature, extent, and physical, mental, and/or emotional changes you anticipate as your illness progresses, ask yourself if and for how long you want to continue handling daily chores, assuming you still can.
7. Process that Paperwork
Hopefully, you have taken the time to create/update your will and insurance paperwork, but, if not, make that a priority and then let your family know where those documents are.
You should also consider creating an advance healthcare directive, which puts your specific desires about your future healthcare in writing.
This legally binding document encompasses two parts.
The first is a durable power of attorney for health care, in which you will name someone (a proxy) who can make medical decisions for you should you become unable to do so.
The second part is a living will, in which you can spell out the treatments you want or don’t want at the end of your life.
In addition, depending on where you live, you might be able to create a Do Not Resuscitate or Do Not Attempt Resuscitation order.
These documents, which both you and your healthcare provider must sign, specify that you do not want a full resuscitation effort if the time comes.
Finally, consider donating some or all of your organs or tissue, if possible, to give others the gift of life. You can include your instructions in the advance healthcare directive.
What Are End-of-Life and Advance Directive Documents?
8. Preplan Your Funeral
Attitudes toward funeral and memorial services and various forms of bodily disposition have changed dramatically in the past 20 years and the types of services available have increased significantly.
If you haven’t already done so, as many people now do, then you should preplan your funeral or memorial service to ensure your wishes are met and make things slightly easier on your loved ones.
If you find this task too difficult to face, you should at least try to speak to someone in your family to let them know what form of final disposition you would like (burial, cremation, entombment, etc.) and the type of service you prefer (a traditional funeral, private cremation and a memorial service at a later date).
9. Say What Needs to be Said
Perhaps, but the sudden death of a loved one often compounds the grief felt by survivors as they recall things they wish they’d said but will never be able to now.
In the days and weeks ahead, make a point of telling your friends and family members the things you’d like them to know—that you’re proud of them or that you love them—and don’t be surprised when they respond in kind.
10. Carpe Diem
Throughout our lives, we are often told to “seize the day” or “make every day count.”
Yet, given the pace of life as we hurry from one thing to another, too few of us understand that the most profound and memorable moments of our lives don’t just happen on exotic vacations or big events but all around us, every day, whether we see them or not.
In the weeks or months ahead, if you find yourself overwhelmed with some of the preceding tasks listed here, or by the other items on your list, tell yourself it’s okay to just stop and take time for yourself.
Do whatever you need to do to find a simple moment of joy. You might not have the gift of time, but you certainly can make the most of the time that you have.
