Cope with a Life-Threatening Illness or Serious Health Event
A diagnosis of cancer, heart disease, or other life-threatening illness can be devastating.
There are ways to cope with emotional distress and preserve your quality of life.
The emotional effects of a serious illness or injury
A serious health problem can disrupt all aspects of your life, whether it’s a chronic or life-threatening illness, such as cancer, or a major health event such as a stroke, heart attack, or debilitating injury.
Many serious health problems seem to develop unexpectedly, upsetting your life out of the blue.
You may feel overwhelmed by waves of difficult emotions—from fear and worry to profound sadness, despair, and grief—or just numb, frozen by shock or the feeling that you’ll never be able to cope.
The emotional upheaval can make it difficult to function or think straight, and even lead to mood disorders such as anxiety and depression.
Common emotional responses to serious illness include:
Anger or frustration as you struggle to come to terms with your diagnosis—repeatedly asking, “Why me?” or trying to understand if you’ve done something to deserve this.
Facing up to your mortality and the prospect that the illness could potentially be life-ending.
Worrying about the future—how you’ll cope, how you’ll pay for treatment, what will happen to your loved ones, the pain you may face as the illness progresses, or how your life may change.
Grieving the loss of your health and old life
Feeling powerless, hopeless, or unable to look beyond the worst-case scenario.
Regret or guilt about things you’ve done that you think may have contributed to your illness or injury. Shame at how your condition is affecting those around you.
Denial that anything is wrong or refusing to accept the diagnosis.
A sense of isolation, feeling cut off from friends and loved ones who can’t understand what you’re going through.
A loss of self. You’re no longer you but rather your medical condition.
How you react emotionally and the degree of psychological distress you experience depends on many different factors, including your age, personality, the type and prognosis of the medical problem you’re facing, and the amount of support you have.
Facing a serious diagnosis
Everything changes when you learn that you have a life-threatening illness.
Perhaps you cried, sought out the comfort of loved ones, did your best to distract yourself, or pretended as if nothing had changed.
Or maybe you simply froze, unable to process how your life had suddenly changed out of all recognition. Or perhaps you even jumped into action and started tackling your health problem head-on.
Coping with a serious illness
Tip 1: Reach out for support
Whatever your situation, now is not the time to retreat into your shell.
Social support can have a huge impact on your mental health when you’re facing the stress of a serious medical condition.
Don’t let worries about being a burden keep you from reaching out. The people who care about you will be flattered by your trust and won’t judge you as weak or a burden.
Seek out a peer support program.
Feel that you don’t have anyone to turn to?
Many of us find ourselves alone at some point in life. It can be especially tough when you’re also facing a serious illness.
But even if you feel that you have no family or close friends to lean on, that doesn’t mean you have to face your challenges alone.
Tip 2: Explore your emotions
It’s easy to be frightened of your feelings when you’re facing a chronic or life-threatening health condition.
Facing your emotions on the other hand, even the most painful and fearful ones, can help you to ease your stress and suffering, better come to terms with your condition, and find greater peace and physical fortitude as you work towards recovery.
Learning to face your emotions
Many of us are taught in childhood to bottle up our feelings.
We internalize emotions such as fear, grief, and anger or we explode inappropriately, which serves only to fuel rather than expend unpleasant feelings.
When you experience a strong emotion, you likely also feel it somewhere in your body.
Tip 3: Manage stress
Stress can contribute to or exacerbate many different health problems, including cardiovascular disease, high blood pressure, gastrointestinal disorders, chronic pain, post-operative and wound healing, and some side effects of cancer and cancer treatments.
Tip 4: Pursue activities that bring you meaning and joy
Whatever medical condition you’re facing, it doesn’t have to define who you are as a person.
Tip 5: Deal with anxiety and depression
When you have a serious illness, it’s normal to feel sad about your health and grieve the hopes and dreams you may have lost as a result of your medical condition.
Be smart about caffeine, alcohol, and nicotine.
How to help someone cope with a serious illness
When someone you care about has suffered a serious health event or is dealing with a life-threatening illness, it can be difficult to know what to say or do.
Your loved one is likely experiencing some painful emotions and that can make even those closest to them feel uncertain about how to best offer your support.
These tips can help:
Offer your support.
Listen. When you talk to someone with a serious illness, it’s natural to feel awkward or not know what to say.
Educate yourself about the illness but don’t advise unless you’re asked.
Stay connected. Some illnesses can involve lengthy treatment, so it’s important not to just provide support at the time of diagnosis and then let your attention lapse.
Do:
Let the person know you’re available to listen whenever they want to talk.
Admit if you feel awkward. It’s better, to be honest rather than trying to pretend nothing’s wrong.
If you struggle to know what to say, remember that a warm hug or a tender touch can say a lot.
When you can’t visit in person, let your loved one know you’re thinking of them with a call or text, or by sending a card.
Try to keep your relationship as normal as possible. That can mean sharing a joke or a laugh when appropriate.
Don’t:
Tell the person you know how they feel or compare their situation to someone else’s. Everyone’s circumstances are unique.
Tell them that “everything will be fine.” Such platitudes can just make it harder for them to talk to you about the challenges of their situation.
Say that your loved one needs to “stay positive” or “look on the bright side.” Rather than pressuring them to behave in a certain way, make it clear that they’re free to express how they feel.
Take things personally if the person doesn’t want to talk or is angry or upset.
